Reasons Mommy Drinks: Includes 100 Cocktail Rcipes to Enjoy in Your Zero Free Time

Author: Stevenson, Fiona

Brand: CROWN

Color: White

Binding: paperback

Format: Deckle Edge

Number Of Pages: 224

Release Date: 10-09-2013

Part Number: Refer to Sapnet.

Details: Product Description


A wickedly funny look at the challenges of new parenthood.

With cocktail recipes. 

 
Being a new mom is “AHHHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?” hard. Why are all these tiny clothes so expensive? Who wrote these mind-numbing board books? Will Mommy ever carry a purse again that’s not a diaper bag? And how is she even functioning off so little sleep?


Reasons Mommy Drinks is a fresh, insightful, and hilarious collection of the various struggles faced by new parents—from mommy groups and single-people envy to the end of maternity leave—with a well-deserved cocktail recipe to go with each one. This must-have resource will help sleep-deprived new moms survive the baby years with their sense of humor, if not their lives as they once knew them, intact.


About the Author


LYRANDA MARTIN EVANS is an award-winning advertising copywriter who is currently a Creative Director at one of Toronto's top advertising agencies. She writes and performs sketch comedy, and her former life as a bartender informs the book's delicious drink recipes. FIONA STEVENSON is an award-winning brand marketer who is frequently leveraged as an industry expert and corporate host. A former journalist, she is also a trained improviser, and sketch comedy writer and performer. TOGETHER, they are the creators of the popular blog Reasons Mommy Drinks. They both live and work in Toronto.


Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.


The baby shower

The baby shower is a painful rite of passage, cleverly disguised with adorable pink or blue ribbons that later become an embarrassing hat. Well-educated, properly raised, successful women resort to eating baby food, guessing how fat Mommy is, and melting Oh Henry! bars in diapers to simulate poo. The other Mommies in the room share heartwarming labor anecdotes (“I ripped all the way to my asshole!”) while the single girls silently curse the fact that there’s never any booze at these things and make mental notes never to forget to take their birth control again. For some reason, Daddy isn’t subjected to the baby shower, unless you consider a couple of guys from work taking him to Hooters “for the wings” a celebration of your upcoming birth. Mommy really got the raw end (but no raw sushi!) of this deal. Though she is grateful for the generous gifts, she wishes she could have been as tipsy as she was at her bridal shower to help her feign enthusiasm when unwrapping Udderly Smooth: for cracked, bleeding nipples.



The Due Date

(nonalcoholic)

INGREDIENTS

½ cup pitted dates

½ cup strawberries

1 cup orange juice

1 banana

1½ ounces maple syrup

INSTRUCTIONS

Combine all the ingredients with cracked ice in a blender and blend until smooth. Enjoy during Braxton Hicks.



Prenatal class

Mommy was obviously high on folic acid when she decided to spend her final pre-baby days in a hospital basement, role-playing labor scenarios. The class begins with icebreakers. Mommy’s not sure what’s more uncomfortable: your foot pressing against her bladder or watching Daddy compete for the title of wittiest heckler. The fun and games end when a graphic vaginal birth unfolds before Daddy’s eyes, courtesy of a Beta-max tape circa 1977. Mommy suspects Daddy regrets the egg salad sandwich he purchased from the hospital cafeteria, which is confirmed when she sees him swallow a mouthful of vomit. Ooooh, here comes more awkward tomfoolery! The middle-aged instructor drops to the floor to dramatize her own labor experience and contorts her floral-printed palazzo pants into a pretzel-like formation over her head while chanting a Buddhist mantra. Mommy should be taking copious notes about what to do when her first contraction hits, but she’s on a pleasure cruise down a river called De Nial. Fact: She spends a large portion of the class having name fights with Daddy via text. In hindsight, prenatal class was a colossal waste of money as literally nothing about your birth went according to plan. See next entry.



Baby Bell

EAN: 9780385349291

Package Dimensions: 7.1 x 4.9 x 0.6 inches

Languages: English